Cesky Krumlov

Cesky Krumlov, a two-hour train ride south of Prague, the capital of the Czech Republic, looks like a Grimm Brothers’ dream of central Europe, with its red-tiled roofs and winding streets hugged in a horseshoe by the Vltava river, and the hunchback roof of St Vitus brooding protectively over all.

                  Keeping sentinel at its gates is possibly the weirdest castle in the republic: it looks like what was once a reputable fortress was captured by hippies sometime around 1972. Its centuries-old tower is decked out in splendid pink and green patterns, spiralling up into the dazzling blue sky. 

                  Perhaps the decorating budget ran a little short, as the outer walls are festooned with paintings of statues, rather than actual statues.  Adding to the mighty stronghold’s less-than-intimidating vibe are the twin guardians of the entrance: the saddest bears in Bohemia.

                  In fact, you might not even notice them, unless you stand still on the drawbridge for a little while, elbowing back the ice-cream eating children struggling for a glimpse of nature’s splendid beasts. See those two depressed sacks of fur down in the moat? Bears. Occasionally, one of them gets up and scratches himself, and hundreds of cameras clatter to immortalize the moment. Then he sits back down. Sometimes, he looks up at the kids, and licks his lips. Trust me: he isn’t thinking about the ice cream.

                  If waiting for this moment hasn’t chewed up your day, you can head up the steep entrance to the castle. It has the usual museum of odd things, some pleasant gardens to explore, and a view from the pink spiral that is well worth the climb.

                  After that, head down to the village. While the twisting, narrow streets make it hard to walk to any particular place, keep heading up and you’ll make your way to the main square.

                  During the summer, the village is packed with tourists and people trying to separate tourists from their korunas. Off-season, the village is strangely deserted, as most of the buildings in the core are hotels and restaurants catering to visitors, and so absurdly overpriced that no local would even think of stepping inside. A delicious pint of a local brew might cost $3 in the centre; walk 15 minutes in any direction away from the centre and it will be $.80. The same goes for food.

                  To escape from the heat and overpriced beer, check out the Museum of Torture. A fun game there is to look at the implements hanging from the walls, and try and guess how to abuse someone with them. Then, wander along to the mock-up torture chambers, complete with a how-to manual, and realise just how limited your imagination is.

                  Cesky Krumlov is well worth a full day, and different enough in the evening to make it worth stopping over. There are a couple of lively hostels and pricey hotels right in the village, but I’d recommend making the 10 minute walk to Hostel Havana, located on the river in a local neighbourhood. The rooms are bright and cleanish, and the affable host speaks at least 50 words of English, one of which is “beer.”

                  If you’re lucky, he’ll invite you across the road to his local, where he just might let you buy him a round or two. But, at $.80 a go, it makes a fine way to end your day.

First published in the Halifax Daily News on March 3, 2007.