Off-roading
 You haven’t seen Nova Scotia until you’ve seen it strapped into the back of
a dirty Hummer standing on its nose to take you over a cliff down to the
ocean’s edge.
The trip started off easily enough - a gentle spin through Halifax, a short
tour of Citadel Hill, and a meander through traffic across Dartmouth. We
even stopped to let the swans cross at the crosswalk by Sullivan’s Pond.
And then, cruising down Main Street, our driver veered right, right off the
road and into the bushes, like Batman heading into his secret Batcave driveway.
Having an absolutely stupid amount of fun bounding over rocks, Patrick
Wheaton - owner and operator of HFX Adventures - explained that this was an
old, poorly maintained logging road. That last part was obvious. He even
seemed to know where he was going.
Off-roading in a Hummer is a sensual delight. The engine purrs over the easy
bits, growls when it gets tough, and then snarls its way up hills straighter
than a ruler. And even though you spend most of the ride bouncing like a
cowboy on a wild bronco, it is somehow a smooth ride.
In the city, these glorious beasts are like zoo-caged lions, pacing from
side to side with an unhappy face. The drivers look like old-style safari
hunters standing with a foot on the head of the splendid animal they paid
someone to shoot.
But in its element, the Hummer slides through the forest like the king of
the beasts, and you hold on with all your strength.
“I call her Polaroid,” shouts Patrick as I land back in my jump seat after a
road bump briefly tried to eject me from the truck. “You just point” he
aims it at a gulley beside a busted bridge – “and shoot!”
In we go.
For such a big vehicle, the Hummer is surprisingly quick on its feet, as
Patrick demonstrates when we come to a sudden stop for no apparent reason.
“Squirrel,” he explains as a bushy tail disappears back into the woods,
and we’re off again.
Patrick shows off the Hummer’s tricks. We slowly crawl up a steep river bed
paved with rocks. Halfway up, he stops and we hang there like a spider. The
view is spectacular, but the angle - I swear the nose of the truck was above
me, not in front, making relaxing difficult. Then Patrick applies the gas,
and we carry on up the ladder. It feels like that bit on a roller-coaster
when the cars are cranked up to the top.
And then we go flying down the other side.
“I bring the roller-coaster to you!” cries Patrick as we storm down the
road.
“Watch out for the-”I start to say, but that turns into a yelp of glee
as we get a little air over a dip in the road.
Sweaty and muddy, we crawl out of the woods near Rainbow Haven beach. We
follow the path right up to the edge of a cliff, and then drive down it.
“Three wheels is good,” says Patrick as the Hummer leaves its fourth
tire - the one I’m sitting over - in the air, “but not necessary.”
He says he’s had it with only two wheels on the ground, and I don’t want to
challenge him on that.
We stop for lunch on the shore - I don’t know where the lobster
sandwiches and cold beer came from, but I’m happy to see them.
Next up is a highway cruise along to Lawrencetown Beach. The view here, just
20 minutes from the city, is angelic.
The Hummer seems to be enjoying it.
On the web:
www.hfxadventures.ca
First published in the Halifax Daily News October 6 2007
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